The Goose Got Loose!

Here's an email i got from one of my avid readers, Lara -- poor girl! Her story is one that needs to be shared with the world!

Hey Roxy,

The depths of my dating experiences are somewhat limited, but I now officially have a date night story for the books!


So I was chatting online with this guy one night and he seemed normal enough, decent sense of humor, he suggested meeting for a quick drink. I was hesitant at first, but I thought what the hell why not. We met and had a nice time, but kept it brief as it was a week night. The next day he asked if I was interested in joining him for a movie at his apartment.
While normally I wouldn’t agree to a movie night in so quickly, based on his behavior on the initial date, I thought he seemed reasonable and was a gentleman. 

I arrive at his apartment, and it is clean and well kept, not bad for a bachelor. We start watching the movie and a little while into it, he goes in for a kiss, but then I turned my attention back to the movie. A few minutes later he does it again. This goes on time and time again, and slowly he starts getting more hands on. I started to push him away, and he asked why I was doing that, so I explained that I don’t rush into these things, and he accepted that. Except he kept trying to get physical, and I would put the brakes on, over and over. He was getting worked up and a little frustrated at my lack of reciprocation. Toward the end of the movie he asked me if it would be ok for him to “let it breathe”, I replied, "must you", I thought that based on my behavior, he was only going to unzip a little just to relieve the congestion in his pants.
Nope. He dropped his pants, all the way to the ankles, and proceeded to fondle himself. Sitting next to me. I just sat there in disbelief. Was this actually happening to me?

The movie ended and I announced that I was leaving and he needed a cold shower. He then asked if, instead of the cold shower, I could assist him. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He walked me to the door, with no pants on. I kid you not. 

FML.

The next day he texts me:

Him: So.. like what you saw last night? lol

Me: Still deciding how horrified I am

Him: Why horrified? I asked first

Me: Yeah but I wasn't expecting that. Not something I am used to.

Him: So it didn't make you the least bit horny?

True story.

I am still in partial disbelief. I find it absolutely hilarious, many of my friends have been getting good laughs from it. Are there still some good single men out there? Keeping the faith alive!

— Lara