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Live. Love. Learn. Life is short, it's time to do the things you love! My friends are my heart, my family is my rock. I just turned 30 and i'm trying not to panic! I have a fabulous apartment in the city, and some crazy dating stories! Read, interact and enjoy xx

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Ms Independent

I was trying to think how to write a blog post that would interest my readers. You all know that i don't go on dates anymore. Well, i do, but they are always with the same guy :) Which is awesome: as per my last blog post. No more random date with internet weirdos, no more meeting men in the most random spots! I'm not “riding solo” anymore.

At the beginning of Roxy's era, a year ago, i promised that i wouldn't discuss relationships. Not past ones, and not current ones. Relationships are hard enough to keep balanced without having someone blogging about how the other one pissed them off! LOL BUT… it seems i'm in a predicament because i want to keep writing and people want to keep reading… so… no worries, i will figure this out ;)

So, with no further ado, let's review the first topic of the week, something that's on my mind….
How do you go from being that awesome self-reliant-independent-chic that your friends love, to a heart-throb cool-as-fuck-girlfriend that he can fall in love with?

Honestly, maybe it's just me, but i think it's a hard transition going from your fabulous Ms.Independent-self to suddenly Mrs.Taken.

Now don't get me wrong, i love the fact that i don't have to search for a good man through a sea of horny guys anymore! That i'm finally with someone who treats me well. And that i have someone to spend the cold Fall nights cuddled up next too. I wouldn't change this for the world. Especially cuz J's pretty freaking awesome! ;)

BUT how much do you let go of that independent girl you used to know, and how much do you take on of that new girlfriend role?
Well, i think I know a few key points in answering my own question, but i need your advice ladies! you-relationship-queens-you!

My feeling is that to be happy, even in a relationship, you need to stay “you”. You need to be independent and enjoy all the things you enjoy before this “merger” happened. So, zumba classes with my best friend. check . I still do that. You need to make time for your friends. check check. I have no time in my day for me because i'm always with a friend (another problem in itself!!! haha). And financially i'm still taking care of my business the way it's always been. So check check check for me.

However, i DO need to learn to make room in my safe, controlled-world, i've created for myself, for a laid-back, slightly indecisive man who i want to spend tons of my time with! The two worlds can collide sometimes. Sometimes i need to rely on him... to just let things go and trust him. This is my biggest challenge. It takes me a moment, i tell myself to breath and let go of my Ms.Indepenent “i don't need a man in my life-attitude” for a moment. And so far things things have been working just fine. Props to me!

One thing that i don't think people realize is HOW HARD IT IS TO GO FROM friends and the world telling you: you don't need a man, you're self-reliant and fabulous! (And yes, i am self-reliant and fab, thank you!) TO NOW, when you DO have someone in your life, suddenly everyone's attitude changes to “So when are you getting married? When are you having babies?” WHOA WHOA people!!! I feel mixed-messages here!! One second i'm a cool independent chic and the next i need a baby?!!

So i think my tip #2 for transforming into a loveable girlfriend, while still staying a fabulous chica, is to take a chill pill on your friends and world-wide web pressures! Why rush things when they're going just the way you feel comfortable with? Peer pressure still affects us in ways we don't even realize! No one's trying to get me to smoke in the high school parking lot anymore, instead now, they want me to have babies and join their mommy-groups !! hehehe

If you have any more advice, it would be much appreciated! please comment below! xo


  1. Guess what-you are already both: amazing independent girlfriend!! And so true about the peer-pressure, I had never thought about that! I don't think there is any way around that one but just remember how happy you are with what you have. Sometimes people put the pressure on because they aren't so happy with what they have and being different scares people. We should all follow this nice straight line, it makes everyone so comfortable with their own decisions. But the zigzags are so much more fun!!

  2. thx Ms Anonymous ;) I like to think i'm doing everything right, but i have my moments! LOL
    — Roxy xo