10 REASONS I'm not married (?!)

So recently i was reading an interesting article called: 10 REASONS YOU'RE NOT MARRIED by Jenna Stone. I first clicked on it as a joke and then i started really analyzing her points.  LOL C'mon, i'm not married... it wouldn't hurt to know WHY!! ;)

Jenna Stone, did her homework and consulted the experts: Dr. Amir Levine, co-author, with Rachel Heller, of the book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find -- And Keep --Love. A book, which after reading the article, i'd be pretty interested in reading.

“There is a science of how people behave in romantic situation, it's called adult attachment, only the studies have never been translated to everyday life use up until now.” —Levine

This book talks to three main attachment styles:

1. Anxious - people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back. 
2. Avoidant - people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
3. Secure - people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

Find out which style you and/or your partner have: click here to take the author's quiz.
Trust me! It might open your eyes about how you treat your relationships. I know it did for me.
So, back to the summary of Jenna Stone's 10 points about possibly why I'm not married :

1. Believing that playing hard to get will get them interested 
2. You're trying too hard. 
3. Thinking neediness is bad. 
4. You're stuck in a situationship. 
5. You're stuck on ''the one'' -- You have an ideal relationship in mind and won't let it go. 
6. You get addicted to highs and lows. You equate anxiety with passion and love. 
7. You're fixated on your mythological ex. 
8. You get stuck in a relationship with an impossible future. Long-distance, married, ''it's complicated.” 
9. You stay home, hoping they'll drop from the sky. 
10. You decide there has to be instant animal attraction, otherwise you're wasting your time.

Do any of these sound like you? I have to say quite a few resonated with me... i guess there's actually an explanation to why i'm not married, and these experts seem to have a few reasons why! All i can say, is that no one's perfect and i'm doing my best along the way! And... i'll buy this book and see what the hell i can do to avoid failure in the future!! hehehe

Another one bites the dust

So, i've been wrestling in my head for a week about how to write a blog post without sounding like a girl who just got her heart broken… again.
But at this point, “it is what it is”. That's what happened. Yes… again.

The funny thing is, that this time, i was so cautious going into this relationship, that it almost never got off the ground. I was so guarded. I was so skeptical. And I was so careful with my heart, but the second i gave it away, it got broken anyway… that should surely teach me something, right?!

Mid-week last week i was preparing a “positive post” to distract me from all the sadness i was feeling. I had made plans to distract myself every minute of every day. I didn't need ANY time to think… but God works in mysterious ways and i got the flu. A brutal flu. So, i'm now on day #5 of lying in bed and neurotically thinking about every detail of the last 6 months of my relationship…

The hopeless romantic in me couldn't help but think… that maybe he'd show up at my place with flowers and NeoCitran and declare his love for me. Lol But who are we kidding?! That's not happening, so the daydreams and feverish delusions stop here!

Today, it's been like a slap in the face. Finally, after 5 days of thinking, i realize: he doesn't love me , he can't commit to me… so why hold my breath about reconciliation? God knows i've done that in the past for many others, and where'd it ever get me? Nowhere. Just more disappointed… So this time i've got to be stronger, and just accept that he's just not THAT into me, and move on.

Right now i'm feeling like, what's the point of ever trying this again? But i know, from experience, that life moves on, this won't hurt so much in a few months from now, Spring will come and new hope will arise. And the next guy who melts my icy heart, might actually be ready and love me for who i am.

Ok back to bed now…that was enough effort one day!

Do you think that people tend to stay together out of insecurity?

Formspring question:

Have any of your long-term relationships resulted in a break-up then reconciliation? Do you think that people tend to stay together out of insecurity?

Yes, and yes. Almost every one of my serious relationships have had break-ups and make-ups ... I think every situation is different though. Some people need the drama and fights to resolve issues and move forward, others can call it quits immediately, with no room for reconciliation...
I think a lot of the time, people do tend to stay together out insecurity... especially if it's their first boyfriend and they started dating young.

How do you know he's the one, when you've never seen what else is out there?! 

But that's a scary thought to many, and i think that's why people tend to stay in relationships that aren't healthy or happy. The dating world can be ruthless, and you need confidence to be successful. But the thought of finding someone who can love you unconditionally is worth the risk!!
If you're scared of leaving your significant other, just remember this... I would rather be single, happy and rocking my own life, than in a relationship that's on-and-off-again and not satisfying me!

— Roxy xo

Ask me anything

FORMSPRING: Are you usually the chaser or the chasee?

Formspring Question: Are you usually the chaser or the chasee? I know sometimes people switch from back and forth to keep it balanced, but thinking back to your experiences with past potential guys, which side do you lean more towards?

I think in every relationship or dating situation, being the “chaser” and the “chasee” gets switched back and forth… it all depends on how much you like the person!! With people i feel a true connection with in the beginning, i'll definitely be more of a “chaser” to get things going between us!! hehe

Once the relationship has settled, i think that role switches back and forth. Often depending on events, situations and my moods! lol OMG i am completely ruled by my moods and emotions! It's sometimes a disaster! In my head, i feel like a raging maniac when it's that PMS-time of the month! I try to keep the madness inside so that people don't have to deal with crazy-emotional-me! During that time i become the “chaser”, but once i'm rational again i try to switch back to the “chasee”. Or at least i try… Us girls are complicated!

What about you? Do any of you choices stay one or the other?

Ask me anything

I'm thinking of writing a book

So i'm thinking of writing a book... AS IF i have time, i know!
But it would be so much fun! It's just soooo funny when i get together with a good friend, grab a glass of wine, and we recap all the funny dates/exes i've had over the years: who can forget The Married Guy, The Naked Guy, The Australian! (that could be a whole book in itself, i've been holding out on you guys, i know!), The Guy who's girlfriend walked in on our date!!, The Car Guy!! I mean there's too many! I don't know if they'd fill up a whole book, but think of all the lessons I can talk about that I've learnt from each of those losers!!! I could go on forever! HAHA

Right now i'm so happy in my new found relationship, that you would think it would be soooo easy for me to forget all the craziness going on in the dating world. But OH NO CHICAS! i haven't forgotten the pool of men that are out there... in fact that “reality” reminds me everyday to work harder at the relationship i'm in so that i will hopefully never be thrown back into that “pool” LMAO. Let's cross our fingers on that one ;)

Ms Independent

I was trying to think how to write a blog post that would interest my readers. You all know that i don't go on dates anymore. Well, i do, but they are always with the same guy :) Which is awesome: as per my last blog post. No more random date with internet weirdos, no more meeting men in the most random spots! I'm not “riding solo” anymore.

At the beginning of Roxy's era, a year ago, i promised that i wouldn't discuss relationships. Not past ones, and not current ones. Relationships are hard enough to keep balanced without having someone blogging about how the other one pissed them off! LOL BUT… it seems i'm in a predicament because i want to keep writing and people want to keep reading… so… no worries, i will figure this out ;)

So, with no further ado, let's review the first topic of the week, something that's on my mind….

How do you go from being that awesome self-reliant-independent-chic that your friends love, to a heart-throb cool-as-fuck-girlfriend that he can fall in love with?

Yea... Ok, He's My Boyfriend :)

So there's always this awkward moment in a relationship where you're not sure you can say that the guy your “seeing” is your “boyfriend” or not. You never want to jump the gun and assume wrongly... but when you're only dating each other and you're exclusive, what else is there to add?

If you've kissed him, slept with him, slept at his place, met his friends... even after all that... these days, it doesn't mean that you're an item, yet.  And asking him officially “are you my boyfriend?” kind of makes it feel like you're in elementary school...

So, when is it “official” for you? When he's met your parents? When he comes to a big event with you? when he stays over? when u change ur FB relationship status?

What do you find most attractive in a man emotionally? physically?

ooo i like this question. hehe let's talk MEN girls!!! ;)

Ok let's start with the physical...

Men with ARMS kill me! Those strong arm muscles that can hold you just melt my heart. Especially when there are tattoos involved! But i think that goes without saying!! hhehe

The second physical trait on my list is EYES. I love when you can look into a guy's eyes and see his sensitivity, even though he may look tough and unphased on the outside. Love love love that! Feels like you can see his secret...

Ok, so emotional “hotness” — i find that's when a guy can talk about his feelings. When he can be honest. When he can entice ME to talk about MY emotions (which we all know is tough for me). When he can help ME deal with emotions by talking it out instead of shutting down and/or walking away.
I'm trying my best to be a good communicator in all my current relationships (with my guy, my girls & my work) because it's the key to ANY successful relationship. But it's hard. And for me, if i'm around people who ask questions and invite me to talk, i will be a better person.

What do you guys find physically and emotionally attractive? In men or women! I'd like to know! I'll be reading your comments below!

— Roxy xo

Ask me anything

i took a deep breath

I passed my Roxy-5-week-freakout. I feel soooo much better. xo

How important is it for you to have your friends like your boyfriend and vice versa?

Good question!
I find this is kind of an important question at the moment because it IS important that my friends like my significant other. Even MORE important that my sister likes him!lol But that's a whole other story!! hehe

Friends are the people who are of most importance in my life and will be around BOTH of us if things start to progress into a serious relationship. I find it interesting to know what kind of vibes people get from the guy your seeing. Things that maybe you don't notice or even think of.

Actually, this past weekend, the guy i'm seeing met one of my best friends, AND my best GUY friends—JB and K. I didn't put any extra pressure before “the meet”, but it was imperative that these friends in my life (who are very protective of me) like the “new guy”!

And thank god that they did! What i found interesting, is that THEY noticed things that i didn't. Example: apparently i was sitting on the couch, balancing a baby and a glass of wine (sounds right up my alley right?! lol) and my guy walked in the room and immediately took the glass away and put it somewhere safe. I didn't even notice this. But, this is how my guy friend KNEW that this guy is a good guy! Funny huh? But it's true, my guy (who we TOTALLY need to find a name for now -- what could it be?) he's totally attentive and always pays attention to if i'm comfortable/uncomfortable, and without saying anything he fixes the situation. It's pretty damn nice to have someone thinking of you like that!

Anyway, all to say friends opinions are of utmost importance, as I'm sure HIS are to him! Luckily i already know his best friend, but i'm sure there are a bunch more to meet!

Thanks for the questions! Keep them coming!
—Roxy xo

Ask me anything

If your significant other cheated on you, is it a dealbreaker or a second chance is a possibility?

Great question. My answer = Dealbreaker.
My ex cheated. Not that he would admit it. But there was enough evidence to make it clear to me that i didn't deserve to be with someone who would go behind my back and lie to me. Especially with his ex! If someone can do that once, he could easily do it again. I can't judge all relationships, but in my opinion, if a guy's a jerk, he's always a jerk!
— Roxy xo

Ask me anything

Thinking back to your most serious relationship, what would u say was your biggest sacrifice and was it worth it? What would u do different with the next serious prospect in your life?

OMG this is a good, but hard question...
i think the biggest SACRIFICE i made in my past relationships has been my independence. It's NOW something that i cherish closely and feel very comfortable with, so in future relationships i think will always try to keep that aspect of myself alive and well. It's not just because you have a guy that the rest of your life stops! There are so many wonderful things to do ! Friends, family, traveling, work, sports, etc.
Obviously having a supportive, caring man is of HUGE importance, but just don't lose yourself in it ladies! That would be my advice for now!

— Roxy xo

Ask me anything

Would you rather date a lot of different people, or be in a committed relationship?

Good question, and 100% i would rather be in a committed relationship. I know it's not as fun for my blog, but i have tons of stories still that i haven't shared to keep the fun going!
— Roxy xo

Ask me anything

do u believe that exes can be friends? especially if there's a new girlfriend in the picture?

hmmm it depends how friendly u want to stay w the ex. I think in some ways, it's difficult for everyone involved. I'm friends w one of my exes and he has a gf, and i'm totally happy for him. BUT we don't hang out outside seeing each other at work. I guess everyone's just got to be on the same page.
And i think if you're in an important relationship, NEW gf outranks OLD gf, so if she's not ok with the friendship, then something's gotta change!
tough question, i like it ;)
— Roxy xo

Ask me anything

Girl on Girl

I was inspired to write this, from my new favorite show: Downtown Girls (MTV) Episode 3 baby! Watch it!

I think all girls in the dating scene get so fed up at times that we think maybe we should be giving a chance to our same sex partners : the girls.

Girl on girl is a very peculiar subject. Most know that i have quite vast knowledge of this subject since i have lived with 4 lesbians (2 couples) in a small apartment in the city, 2 yrs ago. One bathroom, one kitchen, 5 girls. You get to know your roomates very well. I love these girls like sisters (well actually one of them is my sister) and still hangout with most of them regularly.

Betty or Veronica?

The age long debate since 1942 — BETTY or VERONICA?

Personally, i always side with Betty because she's the sweet girl-next-door type and always doing sweet things for Archie. She's a sucker for love. And in MY past relationships, that's how i was too... I wonder if i would have acted differently in MY relationships if i'd been Team Veronica all along? hmmmmm...


But in the end, who are we kidding? After all my heart-breaks and vulnerable moments, i still choose Team Betty. After all, us Blonds have got to stick together, right? ;)

It's exciting though: looks like Archie will be choosing his girl soon... who do you choose?

Roxy's “solo” once again...

From ROXY

So folks... as most of you have been anticipating from my status updates and tweets... Tiger and I have officially split. It's sad. I'm sad. But, i'll be ok.

Nothing dramatic to talk about really. We were good together... until we weren't anymore. It was mutual, so there's no hard feelings... but it still sucks to have someone confirm that they don't want to be with you. He's got hurt in the past, and so have I (as you all know!) ... so i think that alone prevented us from opening up to one another. And also, i guess we just weren't meant to be!

It's just hard... how do you go from one relationship to the next... open up and just keep getting hurt...? No wonder us girls become so independent and self-reliant. We surround ourselves with the best girlfriends in the world so that you always have a soft, comforting, great-smelling cushion to fall back on ;) (yes chicas, you're my sexy cushions!)

I guess... one day, with the right guy, “love” WON'T bite you in the ass. But, so far, I've never made it that far... I have a few scars, and they will continue to heal as i move on.

Dating again will happen, just not sure with whom! It's so easy to get wrapped up in a new relationship, and be a hermit with the cold weather. I think i'll focus on seeing my friends and family and not worry about the whole dating thing right now.

Spring's will be on it's way soon anyway, right?! ;)

Stay tuned girls, sounds like 2010 will be a whole new chapter for Roxy! xo

Fave Trending Topic of The Week : #bestadvice

One of Twitter's trending topics the other day was #bestadvice. And as i read some of the tweets, i came across some great advice i'd like to share with ya'll ;) Here's all the BEST ADVICE I could give you, wrapped up into one!! (ignore spelling mistakes; i copy pasted what ppl really wrote)

♥ Truly enjoy your OWN company, before expecting anyone else to enjoy yours.

♥ Quit seeking relationships, let it happen naturally.

♥ kick him to the curb!

♥ DONT FALL IN LOVE! its painful!

♥ do something you love for a living and u never work a day in your life!

♥ Life & Death are quite complex--we never know the time or day of either, but what we do know is how you lived.

♥ never make sOmebOdy yOur everything cuz Once their gOne u have nOthing!!

♥ never try anal without lube (LMAO – what a random tweet!)

♥...never settle for less

♥ take me as i am, or have nothing at all!

♥ if u have to convince someone to be with you, you've already lost them

♥ never worry too much

♥ stop letting these social sites ruin your relationship

♥ if you gonna hurt some1 close 2 you make sure its gonna be worth it

♥ best advice someone gave me was, you always have a choice.

♥ face ur fears or they will be your worst enemy

♥ Dont call ur woman crazy durin an argument "Crazy?!?! I'll show u CRAZY!!!"

Is HE cheating on YOU?

Ok so there's this article i found from MADEMEN that i think everyone in a relationship should read. It's called “Is she cheating on you?”.

Reading this was interesting because the advice is from a male perspective, and about “women cheaters”. Honestly though, the advice stands for women as well. We may be of different sex but we all act the same if and when we're being dishonest. The change in behavior is evident, whether you're a girl or guy. Suddenly He (or She!) is Just Not That Into You!! lol

I have to say, from someone perspective who's been there and had someone cheat on me, i think it's a very conscientious article on how things crumble when someone's dishonest. So, read up on the 5 signs! I'm not saying to be over-suspicious, i just want all my chicas protected. I listened to my gut when it was time to, and am better off for it :)

All about me : Roxy

Hello all Sexy Chicas who are reading my new blog!
I invite you to read the few blog posts I have to get acquainted with me a little bit. I promise i'll get better at writing ;) I sometimes go too fast and forget important details: details you girls would like to know. (Got suggestions? contact me and lmk!)

But for starters, I can tell you a little bit about the real Roxy ;)

From ROXY

I'm 28 years old.... and starting to feel the close-to-30-itch... but at the same time, trying hard not to panic. I grew up, playing with my beautiful Barbies, thinking that by 24 i'd have found the man of my dreams; 25 i'd have the perfect house; 27 the babies will come, and by 30 i would just have the most blissful life.

Ya, no. I learnt quickly that life doesn't work that way.

I've had some pretty serious relationships in the past. First serious boyfriend lasted 3 years. The next one lasted 5 years. We lived together for 2 of those years. I thought moving in together was the most logical option, because i was 22... and i was due soon for my happily ever after right? Wrong. Things didn't work out that way. It ended one dark and gloomy xmas night. Seriously.

Then the dating world opened up to me. I had some funny experiences (we'll get to those), one significant long distance one (VERY long distance: Australia) , had the summer of my life, and in the end, met Mr.Perfect. Or... so i thought. He was everything i wanted in a nutshell, and then it ended abruptly right before our one year mark: with him seeing his ex behind my back and not being ready for the next steps in our relationship. He freaked out. It broke my heart. And thank god i had my friends and my sister to help me out of the gloom&doom. I'm proud to say, that it took a while, but i'm soooo over it.

So, then... that's where all the fun began! I've learnt that you have no idea what life's going to throw at you! It's been a rollercoaster of a year; good dates, bad dates, horrible dates, online dates, phone dates... u name it, i've been there. Heck, tomorrow i have a date in Granby! (no, not at the zoo, but that was my first thought too...lol)

My friends have enjoyed my dating stories so much that they couldn't wait for me to start this blog!! And i hope that all the ppl out there who don't know me personally, will come to enjoy my stories as if you're one of my friends. Feel free to write comments, you're own experiences and stories -- god knows that we've all had them!! You'll feel better knowing that you're not the only one looking for Mr.Right and finding Mr.Wrong all over the place!!

Enjoy the stories chicas and live life to the fullest! xo