My Mantra

Absolutely LOVE this! It's a mantra i want to live by!
From my new favorite blog : CUBICLE REFUGEE

Appreciation

I got a humbling surprise in the mail yesterday. A good friend of mine who lives in Toronto sent me a snail mail letter about how much she appreciates me; “the top 5 reasons why i'm awesome”. lol

At first she made me laugh, but by the end i was in tears. It's rare these days that we tell each other how we feel. We have so much technology available, but somehow it seems that this only allows us to be more disconnected from each other. It honestly felt good to know how much someone appreciates me, and to have it said in handwritten letter makes it so much more personal.

I'm guilty of not calling friends i used to call because i see how they're doing on Facebook. But they don't know that i care/think about them. And let's be honest, a phone call or coffee date with a friend is A MILLION TIMES better than a “Facebook like”.

On this note, i will not allow myself to ONLY use my blog or Facebook to say much i care about my friends. I will make it my mission to tell them/show them, in some way, how much i love and appreciate them.

Thank you Val xx You really made my day yesterday!

— Roxy xo

10 REASONS I'm not married (?!)

So recently i was reading an interesting article called: 10 REASONS YOU'RE NOT MARRIED by Jenna Stone. I first clicked on it as a joke and then i started really analyzing her points.  LOL C'mon, i'm not married... it wouldn't hurt to know WHY!! ;)

Jenna Stone, did her homework and consulted the experts: Dr. Amir Levine, co-author, with Rachel Heller, of the book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find -- And Keep --Love. A book, which after reading the article, i'd be pretty interested in reading.

“There is a science of how people behave in romantic situation, it's called adult attachment, only the studies have never been translated to everyday life use up until now.” —Levine

This book talks to three main attachment styles:

1. Anxious - people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back. 
2. Avoidant - people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
3. Secure - people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

Find out which style you and/or your partner have: click here to take the author's quiz.
Trust me! It might open your eyes about how you treat your relationships. I know it did for me.
So, back to the summary of Jenna Stone's 10 points about possibly why I'm not married :

1. Believing that playing hard to get will get them interested 
2. You're trying too hard. 
3. Thinking neediness is bad. 
4. You're stuck in a situationship. 
5. You're stuck on ''the one'' -- You have an ideal relationship in mind and won't let it go. 
6. You get addicted to highs and lows. You equate anxiety with passion and love. 
7. You're fixated on your mythological ex. 
8. You get stuck in a relationship with an impossible future. Long-distance, married, ''it's complicated.” 
9. You stay home, hoping they'll drop from the sky. 
10. You decide there has to be instant animal attraction, otherwise you're wasting your time.

Do any of these sound like you? I have to say quite a few resonated with me... i guess there's actually an explanation to why i'm not married, and these experts seem to have a few reasons why! All i can say, is that no one's perfect and i'm doing my best along the way! And... i'll buy this book and see what the hell i can do to avoid failure in the future!! hehehe

CRUSHIN

Who do you have a crush on? This praise for Andrea N.Richesin's new book has got me crushin`! I was just at Chapters this weekend -- i wish i had heard about this book a little sooner -- i would have picked it up!

A compilation of authors came together and spilled their guts about their candid crushes and sprightly romances. The book, CRUSH: 26 Real-Life tales of First Love, sounds fun, whimsical and a great addition to my summer reads. sigh.. and who doesn't like a good love story? Or 26 of them!!

Speaking of which: who was YOUR first crush? 

Me, it goes back to elementary school. Third grade to be precise. He was the bad boy of my grade, and the guy of my dreams! Reid. I think it had to do with his authentic leather hockey jacket (think red and blue 1990s Lakeshore league! oooo so sexy!!), and his greasy rocker-style blond hair that was always swept over one eye.

And half way through grade 3, I don't know how it happened, but suddenly we were an item. He was interested in little, awkward, skinny me! We would walk around the school yard together at break, and he would give me his jacket to wear over my shoulders so that everyone knew i was his! I hardly understood what that meant -- only that he liked me and that everyone was calling us boyfriend-girlfriend. I would watch him play in the baseball field and cheer him on. I guess the cheerleader in me was there from early on!

Finally, summer came, and HIS mom called MY mom to see if i was free to go to a chaperoned movie night! I heard my mom answer the question saying that i was at a gymnastic show that Saturday, and she was sorry but i couldn't make it…
I was devastated !! How could my mom do this to me?! My dreams were crushed… and his mom never called again…

Then, Grade 4 started, and he had a new “love” interest; called Candace. In my mind, she was the prettiest girl in school.
But don't worry, even though it hurt… I moved on… and then started my crush on Jason!
Agh the drama of elementary school love!

Dear Heart

From ROXY

Dear heart, I know I promised you I'd take it slow
Dear love, I know I swore on everything I own
But I can't resist, how's just one kiss?
But don't look now
You've got me going, I'm going, I'm gone…

[Don't Look Now : Far East Movement  ft.Keri Hilson]

dear diary

I'm having a moment today. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like my love life's at a crossroads.

When is enough enough? When do you let things go, and move on? How much do you give of yourself to make something work? I've been on cloud nine since coming back from vacation... but is it just that? a cloud? ...and now, am i slowly coming down to reality?

My mind's a mess. Nights out with girlfriends don't seem to be enough to keep the nagging thoughts from coming back... Where is this going?

Casual relationships are fun, exciting, freeing... they give me the control i crave...
But they also don't lead anywhere...
Right?

I know you're probably wondering what the hell i'm talking about...but i can't divulge more details than that. Thanks for listening xx

My Mr.Big

Do you ever sit, and watch Sex and the City, and wonder if your ex could be YOUR Mr.Big?
ssshhhh don't tell anyone, but I do...

I'm sitting here watching the show, and realizing that my ex is soooooo much like Mr.Big (in the early years) and it's scary! ...emotionally unavailable, unwilling to commit... it goes on and on. Every episode i'm like “yes!yes!yes!” to Carrie's Big dilemas.



Honestly, it's the story of alot of the men we date; unavailable in all kinds of ways. Thankfully i don't fall in love with all of them, just the rare few...

We all believe in some kind of happily-ever-after... i just wonder if and when it'll happen.
I'm wondering if years down the line, when i'm with someone new (cross fingers!), and hopefully happy, if my “Mr.Big” will realize that I was the one who got away and want me back...

Big screwed Carrie over and over again... (litterally AND figuratively!!) and it finally only worked out between them, 6 seasons and 2 movies later!!! So, could it be? That this fate is possible for us girls too?

OR will we just meet someone and it'll be great from beginning to ...forever... no games for once?!
I guess only time will tell.

Breakup “Recovery” Kit

LOL i came across this and thought it was cute and funny.

It claims to give you “maximum relief  from soul-crushing, revenge-inspiring, self-pitying, and all-around unbearable heartache.” WHOA! That's a big claim!

I doubt it would be able to heal any real broken heart, but it's a nice gesture in the right direction...

Check it out at: http://www.modcloth.com/Apartment/-I-Will-Survive-Kit

Deadline Obsessed

Answer this question: Are you living for the present or for the future?

The topic between my girlfriends and I the past few months, is our self-imposed deadlines… with our 30th birthdays sneaking up on us, we're all feeling the pressure. Same pressure, but different goals: finding Mr Right, getting married, buying a house, getting pregnant, or jump-starting our careers. It seems like everyone nearing their 30s is deadline obsessed!

I don't know if this obsession is a product of our parents asking us what we want to be when we're grown-up, or if it's simply a natural occurrence and part of that “biological clock” . But either way, we have to change our minsets! I find we get so focused on the goal we want to achieve… like finding a guy who might potentially be a husband and father to our future children. Ahem… no comment...

But some of these self-made “goals” are simply NOT achievable with hard work and dedication. And they cause tons of undue stress and disappointment. We have to realize that some things are simply left to fate. They will happen when they happen, and we need to learn to be ok with that.

Stop living for your goals, and enjoy the moment! Go to St.Martin and live it up! lol ok yes i'm talking to myself -- i just booked a vaca in St.Martin!! YAY for me!

God knows we all have enough pressures from society, our families, and work; so why put extra pressure on ourselves?

Enjoy everyday! If you choose to ignore the consequences for a little while, don't let anyone judge you ;)
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” — John Lennon

“Values change. Go with the flow”

Read an article in Flare magazine that is on the same train of thought as me:
http://www.flare.com/beauty-health/article/36977--are-you-deadline-obsessed

ne-yo love

Happiness

I will be grateful

We all know bad things can happen at any moment. So we need to be positive and live everyday to the fullest... so with that in mind i say: I WILL BE GRATEFUL FOR THIS DAY.


Fall in love with art like this at www.etsy.com/category/art

10 ways to feel positive when the man you love walks away...

1. Spring is around the corner (even though you would never think so with all the snow today...)
2. There is always ONE friend on any given night that needs a drink just as badly as you do
3. Your heart’s been broken before and you got over it. So, the comfort in knowing that this too shall pass.
4. Knowing deep down that he will miss you sometimes. Even if it is just for the amazing sex (he is a guy after all).
5. Thinking of all the next “firsts” that are to come for you... first flirts... first dates... first kisses... first butterflies... first nights ;)
6. Knowing that you’re one step closer to finding someone who can give you what you want... someone who will want to share their life with you...
7. Extra reason to look hot when you go out on Saturday nights, or when you go to the grocery store!
8. Nights at home just means that you’re getting your money’s worth of your mattress you bought 6 months ago and your new flatscreen TV.
9. Knowing that the guy who will eventually love you is out there feeling miserable without you, and in a terrible relationship right now!
10. And finally, realizing that your life is already full of love: from friends, family and your godson’s sweet kisses.

Is it love or lust?

I ♥ this random internet find...
What do you think... is it love or lust?

Rihanna♥S&M

I can't believe this Rihanna video was banned in 11 countries... doesn't make sense to me. She's being playfully sexy, not like some other... ahem, Christina videos! Feeling “dirty” anyone?

Now... don't even get me started on the Lady Gaga new video...it's disturbing to say the least, but i can appreciate her as an artist... giving birth and all... :S check that video out here


Rihanna - S&M - Official Video found on Pop

What is the most hurtful thing an ex has ever done to you?

Formspring Question: WHAT IS THE MOST HURTFUL OR MOST DISAPPOINTING THING AN EX HAS EVER DONE TO YOU? AND WHAT IS THE MOST SPECIAL OR MEMORABLE THING AN EX HAS EVER DONE TO YOU/FOR YOU? ask your question here

Hmm this is a hard question. Sadly because i can think of SO many things exes have done to hurt me. But i definitely know which one tops the list...

It's THE most hurtful thing anyone can do to someone they love: and that's cheat on them. My ex (not my most recent love, but the one prior) cheated on me after a year of us dating. He cheated on me with his ex. It broke my heart into a million pieces. I can't explain the devastation. Only someone who's lived through it can understand. You need to be really strong to pick up the pieces and move on...

And that's where my most recent ex pops into my mind... hopefully he's not reading this post :S I guess i won't know whether he does or not... basically, he decided after 6 months that he couldn't love me for who i am. For reasons that are hard to explain. But for me, who had finally opened my heart to be vulnerable again, it was devastating and disappointing all over again. I still love him and miss him everyday. But i've come to terms with the fact that if he can't love me back, then i'm moving on. Thankfully i have great friends who are helping me do that.

Now for special and memorable moments.... yes there are lots (thankfully!) -- i will talk about my most recent ex because he is the one on my mind... I went away for a weekend in NYC for a friend's dirty-30 bday celebration. I'd been dating my boyfriend for about 2 months at the time. Midway through the weekend there was a delivery to my hotel room: a card wishing me a great weekend with my friends, truffles and champagne... signed from him. I never expected a gesture like that — it was so thoughtful ...That was the weekend i realized that i was falling in love with him...

Sigh... ok let's focus on the future girls! and all the “firsts” to come! Let's hope at least!! lol

— Roxy xo

Ask me anything

Happy Valentine's Chicas!

Happy Valentine's Day to my chicas! All of you: married, finacéed, coupled up, divorced, single and yes, chicas in those complicated situations too!

Photo from Wildfox. 

Valentine's COULD be an unbearable “holiday” to us single girls, but you can choose to make it great. I think if you're surrounded by great friends, family and cute kids (ahem. my godson), then your Valentine's Day can be complete! For me, I am thankful for my BFF who's having me over for a romantic supper “à trois” tonight — me, her and hubby!! xx

Ok... i know you're saying “cut the bullshit Roxy” -- we're all wishing for a Secret Admirer, or roses at the office, or Prince Charming to show up at our door, but what I say is : “Get real!” Why would it happen today of all days? Guys HATE Valetine's Day with a passion, so unless he's forced to, he won't devote his love to you today!

Plain and simple. No expectations = no disappointments = have a great day regardless of “him”! Celebrate ALL the loves in your life! 

++If you want a good story and laugh today: read my last year's Valentine Disaster!
Kiss a stranger, spread the love ;)

Friends

I'm so lucky to have my FRIENDS.



I don't know about you, but my favorite show growing up was FRIENDS. That's all we'd ever gossip about in the high school hallways. Ok, well FRIENDS and boys!!

But, today watching a random re-run of Friends made me appreciate the show with a whole new light. Because, now, I AM those girls. I'm their ages! I feel a whole new connection to Rachel, who is trying to find herself in her career, who is always recovering from a break-up, and who counts on her friends every step of the way!

Today's episode was all about their 30 birthdays! It just so happens that 2011 for me and my friends is the year of our dirty thirties! lol

The episode was hilarious! I can sooo relate! ...We've all got drunk at inappropriate moments. (haven't we?!) We've all realized that dating younger men doesn't get you what you want! We've all got a list of things "to do before we turn 30". We've all supported friends and consoled them on THEIR 30th birthdays! We all freak out. We analyze too much and we think of everything we thought we should have at this point in our lives... And we all plan everything out just like Rachel does! You have to watch that episode to understand ;)

But all in all, shows like FRIENDS, like Sex And The City, they make us soon-to-be thirty-something girls feel less alone. Thank god for them AND for our OWN amazing friends!

Roxy xo
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Another one bites the dust

So, i've been wrestling in my head for a week about how to write a blog post without sounding like a girl who just got her heart broken… again.
But at this point, “it is what it is”. That's what happened. Yes… again.

The funny thing is, that this time, i was so cautious going into this relationship, that it almost never got off the ground. I was so guarded. I was so skeptical. And I was so careful with my heart, but the second i gave it away, it got broken anyway… that should surely teach me something, right?!

Mid-week last week i was preparing a “positive post” to distract me from all the sadness i was feeling. I had made plans to distract myself every minute of every day. I didn't need ANY time to think… but God works in mysterious ways and i got the flu. A brutal flu. So, i'm now on day #5 of lying in bed and neurotically thinking about every detail of the last 6 months of my relationship…

The hopeless romantic in me couldn't help but think… that maybe he'd show up at my place with flowers and NeoCitran and declare his love for me. Lol But who are we kidding?! That's not happening, so the daydreams and feverish delusions stop here!

Today, it's been like a slap in the face. Finally, after 5 days of thinking, i realize: he doesn't love me , he can't commit to me… so why hold my breath about reconciliation? God knows i've done that in the past for many others, and where'd it ever get me? Nowhere. Just more disappointed… So this time i've got to be stronger, and just accept that he's just not THAT into me, and move on.

Right now i'm feeling like, what's the point of ever trying this again? But i know, from experience, that life moves on, this won't hurt so much in a few months from now, Spring will come and new hope will arise. And the next guy who melts my icy heart, might actually be ready and love me for who i am.

Ok back to bed now…that was enough effort one day!

Hanging out with your Ex lately?

Formspring Question: How do u feel about people still hanging out with their exes to the point where the current person in the relationship is bothered by it? ask your question here

Thanks for asking that question! It's a big issue that couples do encounter all the time. I have some personal history regarding this type of issue, so if i allowed myself i would have soooo much to say.
However, there is one simple answer for you: If the friendship with an ex is bothering the current relationship (aka causing conflict between you and your boyfriend), and you CARE about your boyfriend and want it to work out, just STOP seeing your ex!

Plain and simple. Your partner should be your #1 priority. Not the ex who either broke your heart or that you dumped! Let him go, and try not to accumulate ANOTHER ex in the process!! hehe

If you care about the person your with, the decision should be simple. As an “ex” myself, i would understand! Wouldn't you?

Ask me anything