The Goose Got Loose!

Here's an email i got from one of my avid readers, Lara -- poor girl! Her story is one that needs to be shared with the world!

Hey Roxy,

The depths of my dating experiences are somewhat limited, but I now officially have a date night story for the books!


So I was chatting online with this guy one night and he seemed normal enough, decent sense of humor, he suggested meeting for a quick drink. I was hesitant at first, but I thought what the hell why not. We met and had a nice time, but kept it brief as it was a week night. The next day he asked if I was interested in joining him for a movie at his apartment.
While normally I wouldn’t agree to a movie night in so quickly, based on his behavior on the initial date, I thought he seemed reasonable and was a gentleman. 

I arrive at his apartment, and it is clean and well kept, not bad for a bachelor. We start watching the movie and a little while into it, he goes in for a kiss, but then I turned my attention back to the movie. A few minutes later he does it again. This goes on time and time again, and slowly he starts getting more hands on. I started to push him away, and he asked why I was doing that, so I explained that I don’t rush into these things, and he accepted that. Except he kept trying to get physical, and I would put the brakes on, over and over. He was getting worked up and a little frustrated at my lack of reciprocation. Toward the end of the movie he asked me if it would be ok for him to “let it breathe”, I replied, "must you", I thought that based on my behavior, he was only going to unzip a little just to relieve the congestion in his pants.
Nope. He dropped his pants, all the way to the ankles, and proceeded to fondle himself. Sitting next to me. I just sat there in disbelief. Was this actually happening to me?

The movie ended and I announced that I was leaving and he needed a cold shower. He then asked if, instead of the cold shower, I could assist him. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He walked me to the door, with no pants on. I kid you not. 

FML.

The next day he texts me:

Him: So.. like what you saw last night? lol

Me: Still deciding how horrified I am

Him: Why horrified? I asked first

Me: Yeah but I wasn't expecting that. Not something I am used to.

Him: So it didn't make you the least bit horny?

True story.

I am still in partial disbelief. I find it absolutely hilarious, many of my friends have been getting good laughs from it. Are there still some good single men out there? Keeping the faith alive!

— Lara

Roxy's Readings

So i finish my first book from the library! The Carrie Diaries by Candace Bushnell.
What can i say?... it was cute, light and fun. Carrie is definitely not the va-va-voom shoe-obsessed crazy girl we've all come to love on Sex And The City, but what did i expect? In this book, Carrie's an insecure teenager, who just wants a boy to love her!

At least there's some comfort in knowing that we all go through awkward phases, and moments of insecurity, before BIG things happen in our lives. And also, to know, that when you want something bad enough, dreams do come true! So, if you want a book to read while sipping a daiquiri on the beach with your friends this summer, this is definitely a good pick! ...But, if you're looking for something deep and meaningful, this is not the one for you.

Oh and i just have to say that my favorite part of the whole book is the last line! For those that have read it, i'm sure you know what i mean. I won't ruin it for the rest of you! xo

So, NEXT, i have quite a few books on my list to read. I've already taken the big plunge and started The Passage by Justin Cronin. It's a sci-fi about vampires with a twist (so i'm told). And it's got rave reviews, including an advance praise from Stephen King. This book will take me a long time to read tho! I'm not a fast reader and it's 766 pages (hardcover!)! So... it might be a while before my next review! xo

Here's MY SEXY BOOK WORM LIST if you're looking for a new summer read:

• Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert — i want to read and know what all the fuss it about before it comes out in theaters!
• Crazy Busy Beautiful by Carmindy — my BFF bought this for me for my bday and even though i've started flipping through it, i want to read it properly from cover to cover!
• It's Not Him, It's YOU by Christie Hartman, PhD — This is my little secret book at the moment! I'm reading it simultaneously to other books and it's the best dating advice i've heard in years! Stay tuned!
• The Other Side of The Story by Marian Keyes — I haven't read many of  her novels, but some of my girlfriends love Keyes' writing. This one's on my bedside table waiting to be opened.

Dirty Dirty Boyz

My friend sent me a hilarious dating story that happened to her this past weekend. No names will be named; let's call her Ms.OCD ;) Take it away chica!

“I've been seeing this guy for about a week, we'd had 3 dates to be exact (and if you know me you know that this would be considered a long term relationship for me). Anyway the fourth date was going to be a movie night at his place (which in other words alcohol and then sex at his place). Knowing how guys are, I had been having a bit of anxiety all day about the potential state of his apartment (but figured he'd probably do his best to tidy up). I realized the place probably wouldn't meet my standards as I'm a bit OCD when it comes to cleaning, but nothing could have prepared me for this....

Upon arriving, I find myself walking into the most rundown/ghetto looking building in NDG. Ok really, it's where rats and cockroaches go to die! But I tried to be optimistic. His place was tidy (I guess) but probably because he barely had any furniture in it. The kitchen was kinda gross and when I asked for a glass of water he pretty much grabbed any cup, rinsed it with water and as he handed it to me (and I'm sure I had a look of horror on my face at this point) but I took it trying not to be rude.

As we sat down to watch the movie on his turquoise pleather couch (ew) I had the choice between the the torn up coussin or the mud stained one (from his dog), lucky me. I'm telling you I really like(d) this guy, otherwise Id have bolted for the door after the water thing. But again, I tried to remain optimistic. He had lit candles and I could tell he had tried to make an effort, and afterall we all know the typical bachelor specimen is usually not the tidiest of creatures. Well, all this was up until the 3 beers I drank forced me to check out his bathroom!

I can't even describe how dirty this room was. There was a candle lit, lol, but there was also dirt on the floor, around the sink (like when I say dirt I mean the grimey, black, moldy stuff). His towel hanging on the back of the door looked liked it was about 15 years old and never washed. And then, curious me, I decide to look in his shower (even though the curtain is pulled) only to find, to my horror, blackness on the tub floor. Dirt, grime, mold, mildew, mud? you name it. I was horrified. I STILL at this point stayed, because I truly did like the guy, but I knew I would have to say something. So I brought it up. I asked him how he could live like that? I even offered to help him find a maid! I was appalled by his response that he just couldnt be bothered to clean the bathroom. Then he says to me, “my curtain was drawn anyways, how did you see the bathtub?”. I replied dude, “I needed to know just exactly I was getting myself into!

So that's it, the final nail in the coffin! I'm still having nightmares about his bathroom. But I also feel somewhat disrespected, how could he think that a girl, ANY GIRL, would be ok with that?! ”

 image curtosy of www.uglyhousephotos.com

And all i can is: Ms.OCD, you better not be seeing him again! LOL But seriously, thanks for sharing. It sucks to hear what you went through, but at least it helps us all know that we're not the ONLY ones searching for a man and finding dirty dirty boyz ;) xo