Do you think that people tend to stay together out of insecurity?

Formspring question:

Have any of your long-term relationships resulted in a break-up then reconciliation? Do you think that people tend to stay together out of insecurity?

Yes, and yes. Almost every one of my serious relationships have had break-ups and make-ups ... I think every situation is different though. Some people need the drama and fights to resolve issues and move forward, others can call it quits immediately, with no room for reconciliation...
I think a lot of the time, people do tend to stay together out insecurity... especially if it's their first boyfriend and they started dating young.

How do you know he's the one, when you've never seen what else is out there?! 

But that's a scary thought to many, and i think that's why people tend to stay in relationships that aren't healthy or happy. The dating world can be ruthless, and you need confidence to be successful. But the thought of finding someone who can love you unconditionally is worth the risk!!
If you're scared of leaving your significant other, just remember this... I would rather be single, happy and rocking my own life, than in a relationship that's on-and-off-again and not satisfying me!

— Roxy xo

Ask me anything

Have you ever hooked up with an ex AFTER the break-up? Were you able to still stay friendly after the break up and hook up?

HAHA good question : yes, i have hooked up with an EX after the break-up. This dates back to a while ago now though...

And anyway, doesn't that always happen when you break-up? LMAO 

About if you can stay friendly... that really depends on the situation and what you had invested. But I would say, most times: YES. But, don't forget, ALL the reasons you broke up are STILL THERE, so usually nothing productive can ever come of this “encounter”. Except a little pleasure for the parties involved ;)
— Roxy xo

Ask me anything

I'm thinking of writing a book

So i'm thinking of writing a book... AS IF i have time, i know!
But it would be so much fun! It's just soooo funny when i get together with a good friend, grab a glass of wine, and we recap all the funny dates/exes i've had over the years: who can forget The Married Guy, The Naked Guy, The Australian! (that could be a whole book in itself, i've been holding out on you guys, i know!), The Guy who's girlfriend walked in on our date!!, The Car Guy!! I mean there's too many! I don't know if they'd fill up a whole book, but think of all the lessons I can talk about that I've learnt from each of those losers!!! I could go on forever! HAHA

Right now i'm so happy in my new found relationship, that you would think it would be soooo easy for me to forget all the craziness going on in the dating world. But OH NO CHICAS! i haven't forgotten the pool of men that are out there... in fact that “reality” reminds me everyday to work harder at the relationship i'm in so that i will hopefully never be thrown back into that “pool” LMAO. Let's cross our fingers on that one ;)

Ms Independent

I was trying to think how to write a blog post that would interest my readers. You all know that i don't go on dates anymore. Well, i do, but they are always with the same guy :) Which is awesome: as per my last blog post. No more random date with internet weirdos, no more meeting men in the most random spots! I'm not “riding solo” anymore.

At the beginning of Roxy's era, a year ago, i promised that i wouldn't discuss relationships. Not past ones, and not current ones. Relationships are hard enough to keep balanced without having someone blogging about how the other one pissed them off! LOL BUT… it seems i'm in a predicament because i want to keep writing and people want to keep reading… so… no worries, i will figure this out ;)

So, with no further ado, let's review the first topic of the week, something that's on my mind….

How do you go from being that awesome self-reliant-independent-chic that your friends love, to a heart-throb cool-as-fuck-girlfriend that he can fall in love with?

Yea... Ok, He's My Boyfriend :)

So there's always this awkward moment in a relationship where you're not sure you can say that the guy your “seeing” is your “boyfriend” or not. You never want to jump the gun and assume wrongly... but when you're only dating each other and you're exclusive, what else is there to add?

If you've kissed him, slept with him, slept at his place, met his friends... even after all that... these days, it doesn't mean that you're an item, yet.  And asking him officially “are you my boyfriend?” kind of makes it feel like you're in elementary school...

So, when is it “official” for you? When he's met your parents? When he comes to a big event with you? when he stays over? when u change ur FB relationship status?

The Good Girl

Some people just attract others. Whether it's animal instinct or charm... my coworker/friend has that je-ne-sais-quoi that draws people in from afar. She's pretty new to the dating world, considering she's been in serious relationships her whole adult life. But, let me tell you, she's wasting no time and now handling men with a finesse that we should all admire!

We'll call her The Good Girl (you'll understand why later in the story). You might actually remember her, I told the story of her first random dating experience a few months ago, and trust me, this one is just as spontaneous ;)

I've Answered ur Questions (even the weird ones)!

So , i've been a busy bee this morning, including answering some of your most interesting questions on Formspring. lol I didn't want the questions to show up as tons of blog posts, so if ur interested, you can see the answers to your questions here.

Some of the questions I have answered to date are:
• What is the riskiest (or kinkiest!) place I've ever had sex?
• If you could change one thing about myself physically, what would it be?
• Am i ticklish?
• What do I find most attractive in a man emotionally? mentally?physically?
• How important is it for me to have my friends like my boyfriend and vice versa?
...AND MORE!

CHECK OUT all my answers and ask me anything you like anonymously!! Have a great weekend chicas! I'm having a weekend of partying and pampering for my friends wedding. xo

After numerous attempts to find Mr. Right, only to end up with so many Mr. Wrongs, your good friend tells you that she no longer believes in love, how do you react to this?

hmmm are you sure you're not talking about me? lol I have to admit, it's hard to believe in love when things KEEP going wrong with men... it's hard on your ego, your emotions, and on your faith... and sometimes it seems like “giving up on love” is easier. I have to say though, when dates DO go well, your hope and belief in love re-ignite immediately. Your friend just needs to go on some GOOD dates where she feels pampered and cared for ;)

Ask me anything

Would you rather date a lot of different people, or be in a committed relationship?

Good question, and 100% i would rather be in a committed relationship. I know it's not as fun for my blog, but i have tons of stories still that i haven't shared to keep the fun going!
— Roxy xo

Ask me anything

So there's This Guy... i've been seeing

So there's this guy... isn't there always?!... that i've been seeing.

And i haven't written about him much to everyone's disappointment — well maybe once...
I just decided on a new tactic for this one... trying NOT to put pressure on it, or jinx it.

So basically i decided to NOT talk about it, even though he's been wonderful every step of the way. I guess every girl gets tired of dates never working out the way you hope they would. And sometimes when your feelings are involved and “out there” (like mine of the world wide web!), it can get... extra frustrating.

But now, there's good things going on here, so i feel the need to talk, so here it goes. Let's hope i don't jinx this!

so there's this guy...

Ok I don’t want to jinx anything or even say one word about it, but there’s this guy I’m crushing on. And we have a date tmrw night. I’m excited. Really excited. I don’t have a name for him, I don’t want to make up a name for him. He’s a friend of a friend, and I don’t want them to even know what’s happening between us... Weird of me, I know. That’s all for now. Wish me luck! xo

The Goose Got Loose!

Here's an email i got from one of my avid readers, Lara -- poor girl! Her story is one that needs to be shared with the world!

Hey Roxy,

The depths of my dating experiences are somewhat limited, but I now officially have a date night story for the books!


So I was chatting online with this guy one night and he seemed normal enough, decent sense of humor, he suggested meeting for a quick drink. I was hesitant at first, but I thought what the hell why not. We met and had a nice time, but kept it brief as it was a week night. The next day he asked if I was interested in joining him for a movie at his apartment.
While normally I wouldn’t agree to a movie night in so quickly, based on his behavior on the initial date, I thought he seemed reasonable and was a gentleman. 

I arrive at his apartment, and it is clean and well kept, not bad for a bachelor. We start watching the movie and a little while into it, he goes in for a kiss, but then I turned my attention back to the movie. A few minutes later he does it again. This goes on time and time again, and slowly he starts getting more hands on. I started to push him away, and he asked why I was doing that, so I explained that I don’t rush into these things, and he accepted that. Except he kept trying to get physical, and I would put the brakes on, over and over. He was getting worked up and a little frustrated at my lack of reciprocation. Toward the end of the movie he asked me if it would be ok for him to “let it breathe”, I replied, "must you", I thought that based on my behavior, he was only going to unzip a little just to relieve the congestion in his pants.
Nope. He dropped his pants, all the way to the ankles, and proceeded to fondle himself. Sitting next to me. I just sat there in disbelief. Was this actually happening to me?

The movie ended and I announced that I was leaving and he needed a cold shower. He then asked if, instead of the cold shower, I could assist him. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He walked me to the door, with no pants on. I kid you not. 

FML.

The next day he texts me:

Him: So.. like what you saw last night? lol

Me: Still deciding how horrified I am

Him: Why horrified? I asked first

Me: Yeah but I wasn't expecting that. Not something I am used to.

Him: So it didn't make you the least bit horny?

True story.

I am still in partial disbelief. I find it absolutely hilarious, many of my friends have been getting good laughs from it. Are there still some good single men out there? Keeping the faith alive!

— Lara

A/C installation date !

So i have a car washing, A/C installing, possible-dinner DATE Friday night. Very exciting. Well, the A/C installation part of it anyway! For those not aware... Montreal's been in a serious heat wave all week and my apartment is about 98 degrees (WITHOUT humidity) at the moment. I escaped to sleep at my parents house last night because melting away is NOT a sexy thing.

And yes, i might be using this guy just a LITTLE. But, i already know he's nice, plus we've dated in the past, and IF he can get that A/C to work i will be ELATED! Who knows, if the A/C breeze blows in the right direction, he might even get some! ;)

(He doesn't know this, but that's alright. Let's let him sweat it out. Literally.) hehe

Girl on Girl

I was inspired to write this, from my new favorite show: Downtown Girls (MTV) Episode 3 baby! Watch it!

I think all girls in the dating scene get so fed up at times that we think maybe we should be giving a chance to our same sex partners : the girls.

Girl on girl is a very peculiar subject. Most know that i have quite vast knowledge of this subject since i have lived with 4 lesbians (2 couples) in a small apartment in the city, 2 yrs ago. One bathroom, one kitchen, 5 girls. You get to know your roomates very well. I love these girls like sisters (well actually one of them is my sister) and still hangout with most of them regularly.

Dirty Dirty Boyz

My friend sent me a hilarious dating story that happened to her this past weekend. No names will be named; let's call her Ms.OCD ;) Take it away chica!

“I've been seeing this guy for about a week, we'd had 3 dates to be exact (and if you know me you know that this would be considered a long term relationship for me). Anyway the fourth date was going to be a movie night at his place (which in other words alcohol and then sex at his place). Knowing how guys are, I had been having a bit of anxiety all day about the potential state of his apartment (but figured he'd probably do his best to tidy up). I realized the place probably wouldn't meet my standards as I'm a bit OCD when it comes to cleaning, but nothing could have prepared me for this....

Upon arriving, I find myself walking into the most rundown/ghetto looking building in NDG. Ok really, it's where rats and cockroaches go to die! But I tried to be optimistic. His place was tidy (I guess) but probably because he barely had any furniture in it. The kitchen was kinda gross and when I asked for a glass of water he pretty much grabbed any cup, rinsed it with water and as he handed it to me (and I'm sure I had a look of horror on my face at this point) but I took it trying not to be rude.

As we sat down to watch the movie on his turquoise pleather couch (ew) I had the choice between the the torn up coussin or the mud stained one (from his dog), lucky me. I'm telling you I really like(d) this guy, otherwise Id have bolted for the door after the water thing. But again, I tried to remain optimistic. He had lit candles and I could tell he had tried to make an effort, and afterall we all know the typical bachelor specimen is usually not the tidiest of creatures. Well, all this was up until the 3 beers I drank forced me to check out his bathroom!

I can't even describe how dirty this room was. There was a candle lit, lol, but there was also dirt on the floor, around the sink (like when I say dirt I mean the grimey, black, moldy stuff). His towel hanging on the back of the door looked liked it was about 15 years old and never washed. And then, curious me, I decide to look in his shower (even though the curtain is pulled) only to find, to my horror, blackness on the tub floor. Dirt, grime, mold, mildew, mud? you name it. I was horrified. I STILL at this point stayed, because I truly did like the guy, but I knew I would have to say something. So I brought it up. I asked him how he could live like that? I even offered to help him find a maid! I was appalled by his response that he just couldnt be bothered to clean the bathroom. Then he says to me, “my curtain was drawn anyways, how did you see the bathtub?”. I replied dude, “I needed to know just exactly I was getting myself into!

So that's it, the final nail in the coffin! I'm still having nightmares about his bathroom. But I also feel somewhat disrespected, how could he think that a girl, ANY GIRL, would be ok with that?! ”

 image curtosy of www.uglyhousephotos.com

And all i can is: Ms.OCD, you better not be seeing him again! LOL But seriously, thanks for sharing. It sucks to hear what you went through, but at least it helps us all know that we're not the ONLY ones searching for a man and finding dirty dirty boyz ;) xo

ZOOSK CRAZIES

OK so the last few guys i've dated and/or talked about on my blog have been through Facebook's dating site, called Zoosk. You remember = Guy from the Southshore, The Naked Guy & The Frenchie.

So, i've decided = no more internet dating sites for me at the moment.

I just deleted 267 messages i had in my Zoosk inbox. I can't take it anymore. Naked pictures; "hey baby, you're so beautiful" lingo; names like: MeU69, Fine, Peanut, ALLFORYOU, TurkishParadise, Pley_Boy, BoumBoum.... a wink wink from Mr Bontemps.... then you get the weird pictures of guys w their animals! (HELLO, it's NOT cute, it's scary!)... i could go on and on about the weirdos. I mean look at some of the pics below of what i've encoutered on Zoosk. Oh and don't forget the guy who's harassing me non-stop, and i had to block from both Hotmail and Facebook, because we had a "10 minute chat that obviously changed his life forever"! I tell you... not the brightest people... I'm definitely putting myself in the WRONG pool of men by being on this site. So, as of right now, i no longer have an account.

It's over. If i guy wants to meet me, he'll have to find me at the grocery store. I'm out!

Sitting on a Park Bench...

Psst this is date #4! If you need to catch up on this dating saga The Frenchie: read here for date #3, #2 and our first date.

So, date 4... It was a great evening — he did everything right, including sending me home @ the end of the night ;)  He's making me feel like a boy-crazy teenage girl!

He cooked me supper, and it was good! He doesn't cook often, so i really appreciated the effort. Boys, take note! =We loooove the effort! It was very cute.

Then, we walked through this gorgeous park in the Plateau to an ice cream shop for desert ♥ totally cute.

We ate ice cream on a little park bench and all i wanted to do was kiss him. So i did ;)

Then we went back to his place; listened to music all night long... until we decided that i had to go home... 
I think this mix of hot tattoos, cute smile, nice eyes and showing me new music, is the new way to my heart. He makes me happy, crazy and nervous all @ once! I cant wait to see him again!

Stay Tuned!

I'm so excited! Date #4 setup for tomorrow night! The Frenchie is cooking me supper at his place, and he asked me to bring my USB stick so he can give me some music :) I know it's geeky, but i think he "gets me" already!! lol

Stay tuned for updates!
Or simply follow along on Twitter

I'm The Overthinking Queen!

I could hardly concentrate on blogging the last few days because of the crazy hockey games going on!! Hockey is taking over my life! LOL
 
So , yes, updates :: date #3 with The Frenchie.  Psssst if you haven’t read the first few dates, catch up here.
Not sure what to say about our last date... I was left feeling a bit disappointed, but I think I’m just being a loser. I wasn't disappointed with him: he’s still floating my boat, but more related to my expectations of the evening. I think this is a common thing that most girls go through... And most likely something that guys don’t question at all! Lol I guess, for us girls, we start expecting things to go the way we’ve experienced them in the past, and the moment they don’t, we start questioning everything.

Like for instance; last night. I cooked supper and he liked it (or was polite enough to say he did!), we talked while I cooked, we laughed, we had wine, we ate and laughed at random stupid TV shows, and then by 10 he had to go (he works early). He kissed me at the end of the evening, and he didn’t really linger. 

Maybe I’m just feeling raging teenage-like hormones, but I wanted more than just a kiss... 

and i was left wondering if i had done something to cause him to leave, or if simply he wasn't interested in me anymore. Truth is: most likely he WAS tired, needed to get home and had enough respect to not 'make-out and run'!

I guess with girls, NOTHING can ever be the way we want : if he’s too into us: he’s clingy; if he’s too touchy-feely: he ONLY wants sex; if he’s being respectful: he’s not that into me!

So, here's a NEW dating tip that applies to me and many many women out there :: STOP over-thinking things! It was a good date, I like him, he likes me, and he was a gentleman : point final. We’ll get our groove on some other time! Lol

Date #2 With Frenchie

Psssst if you haven’t read about our first date, catch up here.

So, date #2! The Frenchie invited me to a BBQ + watch the Habs game this past Saturday night at his friend’s place. I have to admit that I was nervous. I hardly knew the guy, and now I’m already meeting 10 of his good friends! But, surprisingly (again) it went very well! I was worried becuz his friends are French, but in reality I speak French fine, and his friends turned out to be such nice ppl, that it didn’t even matter.

He gained points with me all evening long ;)

U know what i’m talking about girls = ur secret little checklist when ur on a date! 

He got the healthy food from the grocery store for us to cook on the BBQ (CHECK= he’s healthy), I brought the wine, he drove us there (we met at his place first), he introduced me to every person in the room (CHECK = he has manners), he let me sit in the comfy chair and didn’t leave my side all evening (CHECK = he made me feel super comfortable), he got me snacks becuz the food was taking a while to cook and he made sure my wine glass was always full (CHECK = he’s attentive), he made sure I got all the food I wanted and filled my plate with all the stuff I liked, he explained all the jokes that I hadn’t understood, and he saw that later on in the evening that I yawned and 5-10mins later we were walking out the door. He definitely knew how to integrate me and make me feel comfortable! I like this dating an older man thing ;) hehe

So, at that point we went back to his place. And his place, let me tell you. Is awesome. I even asked him to break it to me softly and tell me who decorated his place (I thought maybe his ex-girlfriend, his mom....) but it was him! He told me his inspiration and where he bought everything. He even has a few gorgeous art pieces that he'd bought himself. It’s masculine and sexy, and comfortable. Again, the checklist, “check check check” = he has an eye for art and style.

Plus he’s big into music. I’m BIG into music, and he seems to know more than me. His friends all go to him for the latest/best music, and his ipod is always the entertainment for the evening. That’s cool. Big CHECK! Lol

So, after the BBQ, we hung out on the couch at his place and he played some great music I had never heard. And it was late. And I’d had almost a whole bottle of wine. Was too tipsy to drive, but too comfortable to leave ;) Long story short, I stayed over. But now now no judgment; I was a good girl and he was a gentleman. But, yes, it was a fun evening with hardly no sleep! That’s as many details as you guys get on that!! LMAO 
 
I’m sure by now he’s wondering what I’m saying about him on my blog. As you remember, from my last blog post, he knows about it and thinks it's cool. He even chose his nickname: The Frenchie.
So far i have nothing bad to say: it’s all good things! I mean, he even made me a quick breakfast before I had to rush out of his place the next morning to do all the things I need for Mother’s Day!
 
Stay tuned : date #3 is setup for Tuesday night at my place. I’ve offered to cook him supper. Now, what the hell do I make?!!!! AGH! I need something simple that I won’t ruin/burn, but something interesting enough to impress him ;) Any ideas fellow cooks?