Another one bites the dust

So, i've been wrestling in my head for a week about how to write a blog post without sounding like a girl who just got her heart broken… again.
But at this point, “it is what it is”. That's what happened. Yes… again.

The funny thing is, that this time, i was so cautious going into this relationship, that it almost never got off the ground. I was so guarded. I was so skeptical. And I was so careful with my heart, but the second i gave it away, it got broken anyway… that should surely teach me something, right?!

Mid-week last week i was preparing a “positive post” to distract me from all the sadness i was feeling. I had made plans to distract myself every minute of every day. I didn't need ANY time to think… but God works in mysterious ways and i got the flu. A brutal flu. So, i'm now on day #5 of lying in bed and neurotically thinking about every detail of the last 6 months of my relationship…

The hopeless romantic in me couldn't help but think… that maybe he'd show up at my place with flowers and NeoCitran and declare his love for me. Lol But who are we kidding?! That's not happening, so the daydreams and feverish delusions stop here!

Today, it's been like a slap in the face. Finally, after 5 days of thinking, i realize: he doesn't love me , he can't commit to me… so why hold my breath about reconciliation? God knows i've done that in the past for many others, and where'd it ever get me? Nowhere. Just more disappointed… So this time i've got to be stronger, and just accept that he's just not THAT into me, and move on.

Right now i'm feeling like, what's the point of ever trying this again? But i know, from experience, that life moves on, this won't hurt so much in a few months from now, Spring will come and new hope will arise. And the next guy who melts my icy heart, might actually be ready and love me for who i am.

Ok back to bed now…that was enough effort one day!

self-reflection

What's was your dream for 2010?
Are you living up to your expectations of yourself?
Are you being the best you can be?
Or are you letting yourself down...
Self-reflection is a constant need for us to feel happy and satisfied with the life we're living.

I am faced with these questions, and this reality, due to supporting my friends who are suffering or have experienced realities that are tougher than most. Death, loss, tragedy, love, friendship, family, depression, grief, miracles and uncertainty... It makes me question life, how i live, who i choose to love, and what i want at the end of it all. It's rather intense and humbling all at once.

This is me, the real me, raw and honest.
Love yourself.
Free yourself. xo kisses.

FUCK CANCER

Yes i'm screaming it loud and proud and clear; FUCK CANCER.
I just bought a t-shirt to help scream it even louder. What will you do?

Check out this site if you feel the need to scream louder.
http://www.letsfcancer.com/home.html

I can cry if i want to.

So peeps, yes it's true. Today is my birthday. Same day as the premiere of World Cup 2010. Same weekend as Grand Prix Montreal. But, really. We can all agree that my birthday is the most important out of the bunch. ;)
28 has been a rocky year of mixed emotions (actually, what year hasn't?!), but a truly awesome one. I have reasons to celebrate, reasons to be thankful, reasons to smile, reasons to hug my friends and kiss my godson, reasons to laugh, and reasons to cry.

Tonight, i am celebrating my 29th birthday with my closest friends and my siblings. A year ahead full of hope, health, happiness and love. At least that's what i'm wishing for.

And tonight, we'd better have fun! The planning for this night was a nightmare. I thought i was going to have to cancel, but then, by a strange miracle it got saved by a close colleague of mine. It's weird how things work out sometimes... It just goes to show, that we all just have to stay positive and good things will come!

So, on that note.
Let the good times begin bitches!! xoxo

P.S. no worries, i do indeed have a designated driver to drag me back home when i'm drunk off my ass ;) 

 
Health, love and happiness. 

Roxy's Ramblings

so much can happen in a blink of an eye.
to my friends who are going through tough times...
i love you all...

image via polyvore.com

Diary Post

I'm starting to feel like my blog is my diary. I never wanted to get this personal with hundreds of web users.

But here i am. Always pouring my heart out...

This time it's hard to say why.
It's overwhelming.

The amount of news i've heard in the last 7 weeks has been crazy. Up and down, and down and up and then down again. To tell the truth. There hasn't been much positive. Except my best friend being a home with her heart in place at right this second (♥ U), and me meeting The Frenchie. And of course a few other happy announcements here and there :) But I have to say, at least my dating scene hasn't been a disaster (or isn't yet). I do feel myself backing away though; because i'm sad. And when i'm sad, i'm even more independent than usual. Which honestly, is really quite problematic.

I just don't want to push him away. Because i kinda like him. And you know, he's kinda cool. And yes, kinda WOW too. lol

Communication is key, right Bruce? You've told me enough times. So has Tash... I have great friends who know me well, and want to see me succeed at this thing called love. Now i just have to figure it out on my end.

I'll try. But i just needed to say, for the record, that i'm sad, and i'm trying my best to be there for everyone xo And we're going to have some drinks tomorrow night. Some much needed drinks.

Gives Me Hope

Today i discovered the GMH website. WARNING: only look at this site when you have time, i guarantee you'll get swept away for hours! 

GMH is short for Gives Me Hope.

You have to read their site to understand; some posts are just so sad they make you cry, whereas others can put a huge smile one your face... People's messages definitely do Give You Hope.
This site might even be helpful for a few friends of mine who went through something really really devastating this past week. When the moment's right, it might help them regain their strength and faith. The passages are just snip-its from people's everyday lives, little moments that have given them hope, and they are choosing to share with the world.

Here's a few examples that touched my heart; they are sad, and sometimes morbid, but they remind you of how precious life is, and that we must appreciate the moments we do have to live:

 “I woke up one morning to hear the birds outside my window and my mother cooking breakfast downstairs. I've never cried so much in my entire life. I had been deaf since the age of 8. ”

 “Today, I found GMH. After reading all the heartwarming stories, I walked into my room, and tore my suicide journal to shreds. I'm shaking out of happiness. GMH. ”

“My dad would always start out conversations with''Do you have a girlfriend yet?''
After laughing and saying no hundreds of times I finally found the courage to tell him I was gay. After a long silence and a stressed out face or two, he calmly said, "Oh. Well.... Do you have a boyfriend yet?"
His fair love GMH.”


GMH also has a few sister sites too: 
Love Gives Me Hope (if u want to feel all gooey inside)
&
OMG Facts


Keep the faith xo

Devastating Earthquake in Chile...

Another catastrophic earthquake ... this time in Chile... what's happening to our world?...

Geophysicists from the U.S. Geological Survey say the earthquake was 700-800 times stronger than the quake that hit Haiti earlier this winter.
A reported 122 casualties have been named, but officials expect the death toll to rise as the day goes on.

My thoughts are with the victims and their families...

let it snow let it snow let it snow!

Maybe last night's mini-snow-storm will brighten the spirits of some of us Montrealers who are suffering from the winter blues... or maybe it'll just cause more traffic on Decarie.